Taking the Scenic Route

Some Zane cuteness

While grocery shopping, we were going past the bakery area and there was a cart standing there full of cookies.  We happened to stop near the cart.  When we got ready to move on, Zane wouldn’t push our cart anymore, but insisted on bringing the million cookie cart with him.  He was so determined it was really cute.  However, he wasn’t impressed with leaving it there until Zach pointed out that we had put some cookies in our cart, at which point Zane started jumping up and down shouting “Cookies!  Cookies!”  hee hee.  We almost never get cookies, but they were on a really good sale and looked so yummy. 

When leaving the grocery store we followed our normal routine…Zach straps Zane in to the car seat while I return the cart.  Zach finished, got behind the wheel and turned the car on.  At this point Zane started going nuts, screaming “Mama” desperately until he saw that I was coming back and they weren’t leaving me there.  I guess he really has the “Mama” thing down for good now. 

We have had multiple tantrums the last few days over, of all things, eggs.  He will dig in the fridge and bring me eggs, either the whole package, or individually in his hands, even if I am in a different room.  (nothing like being handed eggs while going to the bathroom )  He is fascinated with the process of making eggs and keeps wanting to crack them and help cook them.  (we have had a few eggs cracked on the floor in his over enthusiasm).  He insists on holding the spatula and is doing a lot better at being aware of the pan.  Hopefully he will learn the process without any burns…it makes me a little crazy to have him help me, but it is important to me that he learns and he seems very interested in it.  The main problem is that he will only eat the egg pieces (cutting them up) that have a dab of hot sauce on them….so if I want him to eat all the eggs, I have to carefully dab hot sauce strategically over the egg so he gets some in every bite.    I just do not understand his love of hot sauce.  That certainly did not, under any circumstance, come from me.  As soon as he has eaten the eggs with hot sauce dabs, he wants another egg.  Or, as soon as he gets full, he wants another egg.  When I explained that he had to eat all his egg to make another he literally threw himself on the floor in a kicking screaming tantrum.  over eggs.  it was something.  (and no, he didn’t get any more eggs after the tantrum)

He is having some pronunciation issues.  Sometimes “s” sounds like “f”, and ”sh” sounds like “ch”  if said enthusiastically…as in “socks and shoes!”  (meaning we are going someplace)  and it comes out “f-cks and chews”  Sometimes “tr”, as in truck, sounds like an “f” too…kind of a bad one when you see trucks all over the place.  It could be much, much worse…like the MDC poster who said her daughters word for finger sounds a lot like the bad word for an African American starting with a “N”.

He came in to where I was in the living room after being back in his bedroom for a while and I asked him “how’s your diaper”, not expecting an answer…just a way to warn him I am going to be checking his diaper.  He looks up at me and goes “tinky”  I go “stinky, huh?”…look…and declare “yup, that sure is a stinky diaper”.  lol.  It was the first time he has ever acknowledged that he pooped verbally….big step for us. 

“…Oh, the Patriot Act.  I read that in it’s orignal title . . . ”1984″ ”

~Det. Mike Logan (played by Chris Noth), Law & Order SVU, tonight’s show

Man, what is it this year?  It seems like one or all of us is constantly somewhat sick.  Nobody has been seriously ill, but this constant stuff is getting really annoying.  Maybe I am just more aware of it since there are a couple of people in our lives this last year that we can’t be around them sick….a newborn earlier this year, and my SIL who is fighting staph infection.  I also don’t want to take Zane to any group activities around other kids when he isn’t feeling great because 1)  I get really annoyed when people bring their kids to something sick and then when your child gets sick they say “oh, that sounds like what *** had earlier this week”  Would it have killed you to mention that before we met up?!?  I had plans that are now messed up because my child doesn’t feel well.  And 2) it is hard enough for him to interact appropriately when he is feeling good, if he is tired or cranky, it is a mess and we usually end up having to leave because he can’t pull it together. 

Last night, Zach’s lymph nodes started bothering him, and his sinus started to clog and drip.  Today, I woke up with the same thing, and Zane obviously has something going on too because he is cranky, his nose is running, and he feels warmish (not hot enough to warrent the battle to take his temperature at this point).  I have let him watch videos most of today since he isn’t feeling well.  I am gonna have Veggie Tale’s songs stuck in my head for a while. lol. Every once in a while I get the energy to do something small, but it doesn’t last long and I am back to just sitting with Zane snuggled on my lap, reading blogs to the music of Veggie Tales.   I just ache all over, with clogged/dripping sinuses (and accompanying naseau of snot in your stomach), and sore throat from sinus drainage.  I hope this passes soon. 

I just have no energy to do any ‘real’ cooking tonight, so it was a pantry/freezer ‘dump’ meal.  I have a can of “cream of chicken” with some frozen chicken leftovers, some frozen veggies, and some frozen noodles.  I thought a chicken noodle type soup might taste good.  Hope Zane eats it too.

Some of the comments asked about how long dh has to go in school.  The answer isn’t clear cut, mostly because they don’t always offer the classes he needs to complete the degree when he needs them, but hopefully he will have the classes he needs to graduate Spring 2006.

He finished his bachelor’s degree by doing 18 hours in the Spring (12 hours is full time), and 12 hours over the summer (6 hours is full time).  Now he is doing 9 hours of class work (full time), 6 hours of grading (Graduate Staff Assistant), and 10 hours of teaching a lab (Graduate Teaching Assistant).  Yes, he is busting his butt, and he is doing very, very well. 

Not only is he ahead in all of his classes (in fact, he is almost finished with a major project not due for another month or so), but is impressing the profs he grades under (hands him a stack of papers to grade on Thursday, and dh has them back to him by Monday….now we have taken the class he is grading for and got used to it being weeks until we saw our homework back, so this time frame is really good)  The prof. was also happy with how he graded…what he let slide a bit and what he counted off for, and his comments on the student’s papers…showed that Zach really understood what was going on. 

He also impressed the teacher he is a GTA under, first by having a website up for the class in a few days after the class started, and has continued to be happy with how he is teaching the class.  A few of the students have come up and asked him when he was going to start teaching “real” classes (not just labs) so they could register to be in his section.  That was cool because it isn’t because he is ‘easy” — heck, he has almost no control over what is tested for, nor does he grade for the class, it is because he does a good job explaining stuff, and he includes a lot of stuff that he has learned on his own and isn’t usually taught in the classes that allows the students to really understand the stuff.

It can tough sometimes with him so busy, but it is completely worth it to see him gain confidence and experience some success in life. 

About the money stuff I talked about, I wanted to say that we aren’t in a desperately bad situation right now, I was just really irritated about how we were treated by that guy.  I have always been treated with respect and kindness by SRS people and when he was so nasty it just threw me for a loop.  We got our tax return on Friday (not tons of money since we didn’t earn much, but it still is helpful), and he will be getting a small paycheck throughout the semester.  I just want the FS so we don’t get into a desperate situation.  We have been eligible for assistance Zane’s entire life (as soon as a child was added, our income has qualified us) and have only been on any kind of assistance for about 12 months of that (on and off), total.  We don’t ask for cash assistance, and we didn’t ask for help with our utility bills (LIEP, or something like that) even though we qualified because we were able to make it without, and we know that a lot of people need it more than us (especially people on life supporting equipment) and there are only so many funds available. I am applying with the hope that it is the last short-term stint we will be this poor. 

I just want food stamps because it is really hard to swing a healthy diet in this area.  Whole grain stuff is pricey, and I really prefer organic milk and eggs to regular stuff. (the organic stuff tastes like I remember them tasting instead of plasticy like the ‘normal’ stuff tastes to me…and organic eggs are still cheaper protein than meat, and we only go through a gallon of milk a week in this house.)  Organic fruits, veggies, and meat are way out of our price range, so I don’t worry about that stuff, even with assistance….it doesn’t seem right to me to spend money on that kind of stuff when it isn’t ‘your’ money.  If I can find a less expensive source for organic stuff, I would love to since every organic thing I try really does seem to taste better.  But there is no way I am paying $4 for an organic bell pepper (or $20/lb for meat) when I cringe at paying $1 for a normal one.  We make it work to keep Zane on healthier food, but without some help, that often means that he eats well while we are eating a lot of carbs because they are cheap and filling.  I REALLY want to lose weight and be healthier, and that takes some money.  (not tons, but it does take some)

We are not, by any stretch, in the worst financial postition we have been in.  And, most importantly, we know it should just be a short term thing, relatively speaking.  It is a whole lot different to be poor and knowing it should end, and being poor with no light at the end of the tunnel.  We have been in both, and I can deal with this a LOT better….most days. lol.

Smart Zane, blockhead Mama

For Christmas, among other things, I got Zane a dot-to-dot book.  I have spent literally hours sitting with him trying to get him to connect the dots.  He knows how to count, he knows how to draw, I thought it would be an easy transition.  For the most part, he just hands me the pencil and wants me to do it for him, so I spend a lot of time going “you draw it….Zane draw it” and him looking at me like I am crazy.  The first part of the book is ‘count to 10′, so I thought it shouldn’t even be too much of a challenge. 

Tonight, in my attempt to entice him to draw, I kept saying “Let’s see what the picture is, Draw a line between the numbers and you will be able to tell what the picture is” and he kept saying something to me and pointing at the picture like “duh” while I kept doing things like…”see, here is the 1…what is next?”…then he counts up to 20.  I tell him to draw the line so he can see the picture…he babbles to me.  (this goes on for a while) All of a sudden I realized what he was saying.  He kept trying to tell me “Butterfly”  ( “budda fwah”).  I looked a little more closely at the unfinished picture and, sure enough, the picture it was going to make was a butterfly. 

I can occasionally get him to draw lines, but certainly not consistently, and now I am wondering if it is because he isn’t able to follow directions (which is what I was beginning to wonder since it was such a struggle), or isn’t willing to follow directions, or is just flat bored with the whole thing. (which is what I am thinking now)

It just gets more complicated from here.

Ok, I am going to be tacky and talk about money again.  So, if whining about money bothers you, please feel free to skip this post.

We went to the Food Stamp Office this week.  The guy was gruff, mean, rude and the first question out of his mouth was a very accusatory “Why do you want food stamps” I gotta tell you, it took everything in me to not make a really sarcastic comment at that point.  I ended up mumbling something like “we need food” The entire appointment he was condescending and kept saying things like…I don’t know if you will qualify…*if* you qualify…blah, blah, blah. Um, dude, can you do math? The monthly gross income has to be under $1600ish, we make about half of that. How do we not qualify?!?!?  Then he said that there is a backlog and it will be several weeks before they even will review the application, and we have to get a letter from his employer because pay stubs aren’t enough…he actually asked “are you sure this is for a two week period…are you sure you don’t get paid more than this”  Ok guy, we aren’t STUPID, we are just POOR. Geez, it sucked! Plus, ds wanted to nurse, and at 3 years old and the way this older guy was acting, I knew that was not going to go over well…and we are smack in the middle of an SRS office.

At least we got our tax return so we won’t actually go hungry, hopefully we will get FS in time so we don’t have to spend our money on food instead of electricity and such. I didn’t have any doubt we were eligible until the appointment, and now I am stressed about it. I don’t need much, but it does means a difference in quality of food, that is for sure. I am SOOOO looking forward to dh’s student days to be over and then hopefully, FINALLY, we will be able to do all those things we want…like own a home and have insurance.

Speaking of housing…

I can not tell you how bad I want my own home.  A home where I can rip out the carpets when they are cheap, gross, and nasty.  A home where I can paint the walls ANYTHING BUT WHITE.   A home with a basement so I don’t have to be worried every single storm system (tornadoes…been through enough of them that I am nervous about it).  A bonus would be a garage so we don’t have to scrape windows.  A home with a back yard with no broken glass, cigarette butts, and no dog crap everywhere (unless, of course, it is our dog).  A home with some PRIVACY, where maintenence and office people can’t just walk in whenever they want to (even with warning this is annoying), a space where my child can play without the neighbors trying to take his toys, push him, or flaunt their toys in front of him and then scream if he so much as touches it. A back yard where I can let Zane play without having to be a few feet away at all times.  (So he has a sense of indenpendence…although I imagine I would be watching him from a window for a while yet) A home so we can finally start buying furnature for ‘how much we like it’ instead of ‘how hard is it to move’ and “will it work in another space’.  A home where we can put nails in the wall and wire the way we want (computer networks and such) so we don’t have lines of cords running along the ceiling, the floor, and the walls to make things work ok.  I mostly want our own space.  Ours to do with as we please.  Someday it will happen, but it is so hard to wait some days.

First, some good news.  After several attempts to get ahold of a family member at the hospital, he finally reached Kaz who said that Grandma was sleeping, but the surgery went well.  Thank goodness!

On the home front, I had one of those *supress the laughter* moments today.  I am in the living room and I hear the bathroom sink turn on.  I go back there to discover Zane with his head in the bowl of the sink getting a drink directly out of the faucet.  His waist was at the edge of the counter, with his legs dangling in the air over the toilet.   We don’t do that, but I did show him how to operate the water fountain at the college while waiting for Zach…I guess he just figured it would work at home too.  I actually had to take a step back out of the bathroom so he couldn’t see me giggling at him before I could sternly tell him to get a cup to get a drink.

Um, I hear him in the kitchen now and there are strange ripping sounds.  I better go.

If I remember correctly, Grandma Jackie’s surgery is today.  Please keep her in your prayers.

I had a lot of   momments today.  I watched Robert & Dori’s two youngest, Cody (about 18 months older than Zane) and Eilysh (about 4 months old) while they went to their oldest’s school for a meeting.  (another post for another time, but their experience with the public school system here REALLY makes me want to either home school or find a good private school),  Cody and Zane played fairly nicely with each other, mostly with the trains.  Dori was understandably nervous about leaving Eilysh…she has never left her with anybody.  I felt really honored. 

Zane’s reaction to Eilysh was amazing and adorable.  He seemed to become a ‘big kid’ right before my eyes.  He came over and just smiled ear to ear at her, with a really sweet look in his eyes, and reached out and gently touched her.  He would gently rub her ear, looking up at me talking about her ear, then her nose, and took her hands and gently held them.  He would go play, constantly turning to see the baby.  He came back several times just to smile at her and admire her, one time very carefully leaning in and kissing her.  He brought her teething ring to her and was just amazing.  My heart just melted.

Later, after I got her to sleep (involving some crying and me really being glad she didn’t weigh much because my arms were burning trying to rock her to sleep….she has never gone to sleep without nursing or in her swing)  I laid her on the floor, on her blanket in the living room.  He came in from the bedroom, saw her on the floor, carefully sat beside her and worked to maneuver himself under the cover to lay down with her.  At that point, I finally didn’t have the baby in my arms so I could snap a photo of the sweetness.  (really understanding now why there are not nearly as many photos of the second child…lol…no free hands)

As a side note, the crocheted blanket (blue and pink) is one that was made for my mom by her Grandma for her children.  I slept in that blankie as a child and used it a lot for Zane when he was a baby.

I have been stuffing all those feelings of how much I want another child for a while, but holding that precious child in my arms today, and especially seeing Zane’s reaction, made me really long for another child.  Badly.  Logic officially lost it’s battle today…not that I have a lot of control, I just have tried really hard not to think about it too much since nothing was happening. 

Soaker I am working on for Dori.  It is out of really old wool yarn.  The skein looks like it was printed about 20 or 30 years ago and has a price tag on it for $1.50.     I just hope the soaker wears well.  The yarn is a little weird at times and I have run into a number of knots already (two ends tied together).  I had to frog back about an inch worth at one point because one of the purl ribs got off by one stitch. 

  It is Pam’s pattern from her Wooly Wonder site.  I think it is an older pattern and has been updated though….my pattern predates her internet site.