Friday July 22, 2005
Dr. appointment went fine yesterday. He found the heartbeat right off. yeah! He certainly doesn’t click with us the way Dr. B does, but it is bothering dh a lot more than me. I don’t get that “total moron” feeling I got from the Dr. in Great Bend, nor the “egotistical” thing I got from the Dr. in KC. He is just not as encouraging as Dr. B and doesn’t explain things the same way…Dr. B seemed to know the questions that would bug us after we left his office and answered them before asked (along with accompanying sketches…lol…very good for a couple of visual learners) I sure miss Orva on the nursing staff though. She was such a gem! Zach is not thrilled with Sue, and I think that is the one that drove my best friend nuts too (although for her it was because she was rough on the prenatal pelvic exams), but she doesn’t really bother me too much.
I know that I am not having an easy pregnancy…I am living it. I know I have been bleeding (although it appears to have stopped as of the day before the appt), but considering that it might be for no reason, do you really need to say things like “I won’t feel good until it’s born”. Dr. B would have sent me for the same diagnostics, but would have had a more “let’s just see what’s up” kind of attitude. I have lived with fertility issues for much of my life…I KNOW things can go wrong, I have had them go wrong. However, worrying about things does not help. When you KNOW there is a problem or a serious issue, I appreciate being told straight out what it is so I can prepare. When I ask what might be causing the bleeding, it does not inspire a lot of confidence when you just say “we don’t know”…give me some theories at least. Let me know that you are watching out for me, don’t just give me the vague “I’m not ready to celebrate yet” thing…makes me think it is most likely something very, very bad. It is not false hope to say what the most common reason are, before you know the reasons. I shouldn’t have to go home and goggle to find out what the heck is might be going on. I know we are all pretty much just riders on this roller coaster, but I can deal a lot better with facts, even if they are bad, than I can with being kept in the dark. It is certainly not worth finding another Dr., but if this trend continues, especially if we run into more serious issues after the ultrasound, I am going to ask Dr. B. for a consult (in the same office, just doesn’t take OB patients any more) to explain things better. It certainly isn’t bad enough for me to search out another Dr, by any means. However, it does make me understand how women get wrapped up in the label of ‘high risk patient’ as a part of their identity. I refuse to fall into that. I will take it easy and do everything I can to help this be a healthy pregnancy, but I will not let my mind become a victim to the pregnancy as an illness. It is NOT an illness, it is a normal stage of life (for those of us fortunate enough to get pregnant). Some of our bodies aren’t as good at this as others, but that doesn’t mean we have to start having a victim mentality.
I’m 95% sure I don’t want an amnio. If I do it, it will be after both the quad screen and the ultrasound, and only if it looks like there might be a problem.
I was told the quad screen isn’t very accurate for me since I am over 35, but I also am not convinced that being 6 months past my 35th birthday really makes my body completely different than it was 7 months ago. If I was in my early 40s, then maybe, but I am not getting the distinct cut-off. It is a statistical anomaly, should be taken into consideration, but to automatically flip from blood work to a very invasive procedure seems a bit over the top to me. I still have a few weeks to decide on the quad screen, and I am leaning towards doing that one.
I am being sent to do my ultrasound to a place that specializes in high risk ultrasounds here in town instead of there. There are only 2 places in the state that have this kind of ultrasound…I think it is called a Level III, but I am not entirely sure. It is the most detailed kind you can get and the people who read them do nothing but deal with high risk pregnancies. I hope I get a better tech than last time I went there though. She just looked, and announced matter-of-factly that it wasn’t a viable pregnancy and then LEFT THE ROOM. It sucked. I called Dr. B from the front desk of the office because they weren’t telling my anything at that office. At least this time I know I might run into somebody who has zero bedside manner and can be more prepared for dealing with that.
So, in 3 weeks, I will have the ultrasound and likely know the sex of the baby. My next OB appointment is in 4 weeks.
