Taking the Scenic Route

Tonight, when we saw Zane’s drawings on the patio, at first we were a bit alarmed.

He drew a person with a sad face. 

As we looked around, we saw that he also drew somebody with a happy face.

And then we got looking at them and realized the happy guy had a bunch of hats on his head, and we were reminded of the “Caps for Sale” book that he enjoys. 

Which took us back to the other drawing, where we realized that he had drawn a bunch of hats on the ground, off of his head.  Ah-hah!  We asked Zane about the drawing.  The guy was unhappy because he didn’t have his caps on.  When we complimented him on doing such a good job of drawing the “caps for sale” story, he grinned ear to ear, ran inside, and retrieved one of his old caps that resembled the one the peddler wore in the story and ran around the back yard.

Love it!

Went to the school and delivered a letter and the library book.  Then to the library to get Zane his first library card and get lost in the stacks.  (the city library is so nice after seeing the sparse school library).  Then to Speech therapy.  He is finally starting to show her all the improvements he made instead being so wiped out he can’t learn.  It is great.

We don’t have the curriculm yet, but we have a stack of books and other things to enjoy in the meantime.  Although I am not feeling too organized right now, my family seems pretty happy.  Loving it.

Right back at ya darlin’

Zane drew a big city with a castle.  Even has a dragon and knight.  It is so cool to finally hear some tell us what he is drawing.  In the picture, he is working on making a maze.

a close up of the blue dragon and knight in the pink kingdom.

And people call this a weed.  Bah.

And one by my mom of the Monarch migration.  She has trees just packed with Monarchs.  Just stunning!

ps…I will write a bit later on the recent Oprah episode on autism (with Jenny McCarthy)

We met my folks at Sams for shopping, then back to our place to throw some burgers on the grill and hang out for a while.  After eating, we hung out and watched the kids sing and dance to MP3s of kid’s songs.  It was relaxed and delightful. 

Here are some pictures as they are getting ready to leave.

Here are a few of my kids playing in the backyard of the birthday girl.  (Robert’s kids aren’t pictured right now)

For those that have been following the protected posts, this won’t be a surprise, but we officially unenrolled Zane from school today.  A lot of prayers and discussion preceded this, but my stomach was filled with butterflies walking from the car to the door of the school.  Once I got home, both Zach and I were almost giddy with excitement and anticipation.  It is a little scary, but I know it is the right thing to do and will be a great thing for our family.

We are thinking we will get Miquon math with the Cuisenaire rods and possibly supplement with Singapore Math.  We are waiting for word from his speech therapist (they also have a residential school there) for a phonics program that will work well with his speech therapy.  (he seems to be gaining speech as he learns to read, so I want to get something that will keep that going and encourage better language).  We are also going to delve into the Handwriting without Tears with a little more deliberate attention for handwriting. 

The rest of the stuff will probably be covered in a comprehensive way with unit studies that combine history, geography, science and reading.  (and anything else we discover along the way).  I am going to look at the Five in a Row books for some inspiration, and have been browsing the internet for ideas.  We will probably be a bit more freeform with this, finding books and then expanding on them as Zane leads us. 

We also got a few piano books two weeks ago, before we decided to homeschool, that will be a good addition.  One is the theory book and one is the practice book.  Most of music will still be the more free form stuff, but I would like to start teaching him how to read basic music at least, and maybe start him on the piano.  I am not very good at piano, but I understand it enough to get started until we find a Music Therapist or Music Teacher who can understand how to teach Zane.

I think we will find ourselves more in the “unschooling” or “child led learning” more than a strict school schedule for most of the things.  (ala John Holt)  For him, math is fun and we will let him choose the pace because I don’t want to hold him back.  There are some things that will be a little more pushed, like Handwriting, but I am going to work to break it up in short segments so it doesn’t overwhelm him.  Same with the phonics.  As long as he enjoys it and keeps progressing, we will continue to be child led, but we might have to push a little here and there to get him through some of the things that are harder for him. 

I guess it is a rather eclectic approach, but I think it will suit us well. 

He ran up to the guy handing out maps and enthusiastically reached out for one.

In the FFA building, looking at a few animals.

When he saw the giant slide come into view, he ran to the front of the stroller, blocking it so we all had to stop because he wanted to go down the slide.  (the slide is a permament fixture on the fairgrounds and really tall).  He loved it.

Then the traditional “Pronto Pup” lunch.  Zora wasn’t sure initially, but enthusiastic once she got a taste.

My big helper (otherwise known as “you aren’t moving fast enough”)

We split up so Grandma could go with Zora and Zane could go ride some rides.  Last year we stopped at one ride because he was just not too sure about it, but this year he seemed slightly more enthusiastic.  We ended up having to buy a lot more tickets than we planned, but he was having more fun than I think he has had in…well, almost ever.  He was so animated and excited we almost couldn’t believe it.

First, the fun house.  (otherwise known as motor planning in the extreme).  The exit barrel is turning.

Here is where we really get going.  Zach said he talked nonstop all through the ride.

Then he wanted the flying ride.

And then about fainted with excitement seeing the roller coaster.  (He spends hours on Roller Coaster Tycoon video game, so this place was like his game had come to life and he was beyond excited)

Pulling on Dad’s hand, wanting to go back to the ride…

…until we pointed out this ride, the “older kids” roller coaster.

and then the log flume caught his eye.

And we decided to finish up the rides with the grown up coaster, with both Zach and I riding with him.  He adored it.  The seats spun every time we turned the corner.  I think Zane liked it more than me.  lol.

Meantime, Zora had fun in the play/learn center for kids.

I think mom wore her out.  lol

After we met back up again, we did the traditional train ride.  Zora’s first and only ride.  (this was something I did growing up, and I think my mom did too.  It weaves through the fairgrounds as a permament fixture)

Zane sat in the front, in the “coal car” and thought that was pretty neat.

One last ride, on the (fairly) new ski lift thing that runs across the fairgrounds.  Some alone time with Grandma before heading home.

On our way out, we said goodbye to the animals.

This is Zora a few seconds after being told no.  (after she tried to walk behind the cages)

My little pistol.

To say Zane had a good time would be the understatement of the century.  The only downside is that he is obsessed with going back.  When we got home, I needed to make a quick run to a store.  When I left, he was beside himself upset, convinced that I had gone back to the fair without him.  He put on a shirt, asked for a specific pair of pants (and then asked for them to be put in the dryer because they were damp), then found and put on socks, and asked for help to put on shoes.  He also got Zach’s shoes, slid them on his feet, and pulled at his arm saying “Time to GO!” over and over.  Zach asked where he wanted to go, he said “to the car”.  Zach asked where in the car, and he said “to the playground, to the parade”  (he couldn’t retrieve the word “fairgrounds”). 

Every time since the fair that anybody has left the house, he wants to go with us, convinced we might decide to go to the fair.  Every time it is apparent we are going home, he starts to cry, insisting we “go back, go back”, and when we say “where?”, he says fair/rides/parade/playground.  He is just heartbroken we aren’t taking him back there.  He carries around the map with him, telling us it’s “time to go!”.  He won’t take off his shoes until it is apparent we are definitely going to sleep just in case we decide to go.  I have never seen him so driven.  I wish we could go.  It is beyond fun to watch how much he enjoyed it.

Zora needs to leave the house every day to be happy, so tonight Daddy obliged with a trip to the grocery store.

Zane had no problem with her leaving for a bit.

Took a break during Zane’s haircut to relax

I made a protected post tonight, so if you are subscribed you will need to log in to see the new entry.

This is staying protected until after the IEP meeting.

I realized today that I have been stuffing a lot of feelings, red flags and instincts about the whole school thing down.  After long and continuing discussions with Zach, and some long questioning of Zane, we are seriously thinking of pulling him from school. 

The reasons are long and complicated, but it comes down to this:  There is no way they can meet his needs and he will actually learn anything there.  There is a huge probability that it will turn him off from ever going to school and totally kill his love of learning. 

He is already showing signs of depression.  He is weepy, starting to meltdown and tantrum easier, and says he hates school.  When your child doesn’t talk much, but communicates clearly that he hates school, it is time to listen.  I knew that there were problems.  The newness and excitement have worn off and he is already starting to cope by refusing to participate (although I have been able to get him to comply, it was becoming increasingly difficult and I have had to resort to bargaining with him for even simple things, something I loathe doing).   When he does participate, he is already starting to give wrong answers, followed by an “uh oh” and giggling.  I can tolerate and appreciate what is happening, a teacher would not.

The work is so very, very below his level it isn’t even funny.  It isn’t even remotely at his level.  What little learning that is done could be accomplished in about 20 minutes at home and the rest of the time is largely organizational.  There is no talking, to the point that the kids have to learn sign language so they don’t “interrupt” the class.  Kids get in trouble if they don’t sit cross-legged with their hands in their lap and not wiggling.  They are told not to sing “too loud”.  When they stand on the rug, they are not allowed to touch each other.  They are made to wait until all the class is quiet, hands either behind their backs (if standing) or folded in front of them (sitting) and all looking at the teacher before she will begin any kind of instruction, and she stops if anybody relaxes from that.  It is more than should be required of typical kids.  I would have done miserably in her classroom.  Instead of reading, they spend endless time coloring things, and sometimes she wants them to color carefully, and sometimes she says to do a quick job…it is confusing even for the typical kids. 

Rug time is too much for him.  Even if he was sitting on my lap, snuggled with me, with me doing joint compressions and giving constant feedback he wasn’t coping well.  He is a pretty compliant kid, but was starting to cry at having to sit for so long, and I know that if I wasn’t there he would never have been able to cope at all.  It was asking far too much, especially when there is nothing that interests him being said. 

The most challenging assignment so far was to draw a picture that describes how many beads were in a jar.  Not “write the number” or “count them”, but to draw it.  (the “right” answer was to draw six circles.)  Then she shared everybody’s answer with the rest of the class.  They are working on recognizing letters.  They are reading excruciatingly boring books at a very slow pace.  They are doing things to demonstrate the A-B pattern over and over and over again.  He is told to draw a certain way, and the drawings are all critiqued in front of the class.  There are worksheets that have things to color, and then cut out, and then glue.  It is the same theme, repeated several times a day, and it is so boring. 

When they move from class to class, they have to line up, face forward, in ABC order, be quiet, put hands behind their back, and walk quietly without touching anything or saying anything.  If they do, the line stops.  If there is another class that hits an area first, the line stops as they wait for the other class to pass.  They wait in hallways for the next class to let them in. They wait, they wait, they wait some more.  They are never allowed to talk.  If they do anything wrong, they are given either time on the bench at recess, lunch detention, or time out in the classroom, depending on the offense.  Detention, for kindergartners.  wuh. 

Lunch time is a horror.  Besides the food being horrible, everything is prepackaged, laid on a styrofoam tray, with a package with a cocktail straw, little cardboard napkin, and a spork.  (the flimbsy spork is hard for me to use, almost impossible for him)  Uncrustables (pb&j, formed in a circle that you find in the freezer section…something I have always made fun of but have eaten at every lunch there because it is the only even remotely palatable thing), grey-colored “rib” sandwiches in a package, pizza pockets in a package, corn dogs, fruit cocktail (that takes a lot of convincing that it is actually fruit to get him to try it), and then things like goldfish crackers, teddy grahms, waffle cookies, potato chips, all in their own little packages.  You are handed a throw away tray with a stack of packages on it that you throw away at the end of the meal.  The worst part is that if I send his lunch with him, he is required to stand in a different line and wait for his class (little to no guidance) and then after the meal he has to be able to go all the way across the playground to put his lunch box in a barrel, and then go back to the playground without direct supervision.  It is too much for him to manage. Oh, and they are only give about 10-15 minutes to get all the packages open and scarf down the food.  Most days I am ripping into my little milk carton as they call our line to get up and dump our trays, and I am eating as fast as I can.  Zane has had to stay in the room a few times just to finish his pb&j, and that is with me prodding him to eat faster. 

The only times I see him perk up are in PE class and music class.  He says he likes those classes.  I am going to try and arrange for him to participate in those two classes, get him speech and occupational therapy, possibly bring him for recess, but dump everything else and homeschool (or e-school, which is offered in this district) everything else. 

Instead of requiring communication, which is what he needs, he is told to be quiet.  Instead of the socialization he needs, the kids are reprimanded for socializing.   If he goes to a room where he is encouraged to do those things, he will be with peers who also aren’t able to socialize or communicate well either.  He won’t have any typical peer models. 

At home, we can teach him what he needs to know.  We can suck it up and find a community for him, there is a good homeschooling community here, and if we get really serious about it, we can find a church that would be a good fit.  It might not be Mennonite, but we can find something that is close enough, that has a solid community where he can make lasting, consistent friends that won’t change every year.  We won’t have to watch him be so tired for the therapist that they are spending valuable learning time trying to get him to “wake up” so he can participate.  We can schedule therapies at a pace he can manage, and get memberships to the children’s science museum (which we love), and try and find a way to pay for a Y membership and participate in the classes for homeschoolers there.  (abundant)  

This is a community that is really set up for homeschooling, but I was scared that I would never be able to meet his needs as well as a school with trained professionals could.  I was wrong.  I would have to be the laziest parent on earth to do any worse.  If I can have the self discipline to deal with potty training for 5 years, even with a weak stomach, I can handle this.  There was so much more that we were doing than we realized.  It is so engrained in how we interact with our kids that it probably won’t even be that much of a transition.  I know I can’t be perfect at it, but now I also know the schools aren’t either. 

I also came away from the time at the school with a deep respect for the people who work there.  “Underfunded schools” was little more than a political phrase.  I’ve seen the impact first hand.  I have seen good people in incredibly challenging jobs doing the absolute best they can with what they have.  I don’t know if I could do it.  The needs are so diverse and so great I can’t imagine the strength it would take to go back, day after day, year after year, and face it.  I have been so insulated because the therapy places I go to are filled with parents committed to their kids, committed to them emotionally and educationally and I feel so inadequate next to them.  I am starting to see that maybe I am strong too, maybe I can do this.  I hope so, because Zane needs me to.

Oh, and as a side note, Zora is NOT going to that school.  Come hell or high water, she will go to one of the private schools here in town.  There are several good ones.  I might even be putting her into one this fall for a few hours because she desperately needs more social interaction than I can ever give her and I am going to need some quiet, “nobody clinging to me” time to homeschool Zane.  She is, without question, the polar opposite of Zane in her social requirements.  lol.