Taking the Scenic Route

I haven’t written much lately because my brain is just a huge jumble right now.  I am a bit overwhelmed to say the least.  My brain is buzzing and I can’t really put everything in order quite yet.

The things I am thinking about:

1. Zane’s diagnosis process.  What is going on with him.  Is is *just* a language processing problem, is it that Semantic-Pragmatic disorder I read about?  It sure fits, but am I missing something?  Is he on the Autism Spectrum someplace…is it actual Autism?  I discovered this week that what I thought constituted Autism wasn’t entirely accurate.  I think of the stereotype, like Rainman.  That isn’t the only way it presents itself.  There are a whole range of things, some he fits, some he doesn’t.  A lot is someplace in the middle…he sort of fits, but it depends on how you define the questions.
2. There is a possibility that a Gluten and Dairy free diet would help him.  Food allergies/sensitivities can present like ASD, and some kids with ASD and language disorders show marked improvement with the diet.  My family has dairy allergies/sensitivities (including me…not as much now, but as a child I had a real problem with dairy), there is a relative with wheat, soy, dairy, and dye allergies (a cousin’s child) and other various digestive problems, including IBS.  All of these are ‘things to look for’ when determining whether or not this diet can be beneficial.  Another thing I keep hearing is that we often crave foods we have sensitivities to.  I crave dairy in a major way.  I also gravitate towards carbs….wheat & soy especially.  Zane’s diet is very dominated by dairy (yogurt & cheese) and wheat & soy products (bread, noodles, crackers, cereal).  About the only thing I can think of that he eats on a regular basis that isn’t one of those two things is fruit, especially bananas, but also grapes, raisins, peaches, apples.  Sadly, I think the fruits he likes are a major thing to avoid in a Feingold diet (a similar diet theory, but targeting different food sensitivities).  I can see that I need to try this.  I will try this, but honestly I don’t want to.  The stress is making me crave things even more and the idea of going a few weeks to test out the diet and see if it has an effect is not something I am looking forward to.  I know what it means to avoid ‘normal’ foods and I am scared it will make a difference because it means a lifetime of PITA situations.  I am more scared it won’t make a difference.  Food in tolerances are a PITA, but they are manageable.
3. When we do try the Gluten/dairy free diet, what is Zane going to eat?  Can I deal with two weeks or more of him hungry and refusing to eat because it isn’t something he likes.  (I know, most kids will eventually eat, but he doesn’t.  He would rather starve than eat certain foods)  His food choices are already pretty limited and this diet would knock 90% of them out.  I *might* be able to find some alternatives (like gluten free bread/pasta), but there is no way of knowing if he will actually eat it.  I hope that hot sauce is gluten/dairy free or we are REALLY screwed.  Ugh.  The logistics of doing the diet seem like a huge mountain right now.
4. Just trying to navigate how to get services is enough to send somebody into a nervous breakdown.  Endless phone tag, differing messages of what the process is, very long waits for people, and insurance that is spotty at best.  The college can help give us an unofficial diagnosis, and can help us set up therapies that will help him.  I am more interested in getting help than having an official dx at this point, but the therapy costs money.  It is on a sliding scale, but still is going to really squeeze us.
5. I do not know what to do about Zora’s immunizations.  I started going back into the literature and there is so much conflicting information.  Add to this the nagging question of whether or not Zane’s problems are the result of heavy metal poisoning and other toxins that are in the vaxes.  How do you weigh the risks vs. supposed benefits.  Am I going to lose my pediatrician if I refuse to vax?  I know of a ped I can go to, but I really like her.
6. Zach had an interview this week that went well.  It was for a credit union and sounded like the perfect job.  He would be developing both their Internet and intranet presence.  It is complicated, but would make great use of both his technical and creative skills.  However, we got a call after the interview saying that if we could get our credit straightened out, they would consider him, but they can’t how it stands right now.  That really, really sucks.  They are sending us a copy of the things they want cleared up and we will see.  I don’t have a lot of hope that we can fix it with the money we have right now though.
7. The house is slowly moving from “I hope nobody shows up at the door” toward “embarrassing, but livable”.   It will be a while before it is truly ’clean’, but if I can just get it out of crisis cleaning stage and into a maintenance mode I will be happy.   It is taking a lot of effort and time, and I am not gaining back the energy at a rate I want to yet.  Zora is still wanting to nurse alot, so I am having to sit and just be for a while, so the housework is taking more time than I want it to.
8. I am not able to get to my knitting like I want to.  That frustrates me.
9. Zach is mid-semester and the work load is starting that uphill climb now.  It isn’t too intense yet, but it is coming.  He has one class where the professor isn’t very clear on what he wants and that is something that drives Zach up a wall.
10. I am gaining weight.  I am eating from stress.  I recognize it and yet feel like I am unable to stop.  I feel like I am in a constant state of PMS.  I don’t know if it is the bcp or just the immediate life events, but I feel really raw right now.  I have to keep it together and it seems like work to crawl out of bed right now.

maybe I will feel better having written this out.  So far, no such luck.  lol.