Monday March 26, 2007
Zane has done much better than we thought he would through the move and settling in. He is a bit more temperamental than normal, but certainly no more than can be expected with the schedule being so wonky. He really seems to love the new place and seems generally happier as a whole. The move was a good one for him. (for all of us, but he was the one I was the most concerned with)
Zora seemed totally laid back with the whole thing and pretty happy about all the excitement. I remember moving in to that apartment when Zane was exactly the same age (born 4 days apart, with year long leases, so it is pretty much exactly the same age) and Zane did not handle the change well at all then, so I was surprised how nonplussed Zora seemed about it.
This week I started noticing a lot of things where Zora’s development is parting ways with Zane’s. So many subtle things that makes me wish Zane was our second instead our first so that I could have had him evaluated younger. For instance, Zane pointed, but now that I see more typical pointing, I can see that it was different. Zane pointed to get something, where she seems to want to know what something is. She points and then looks up at us and babbles a question that is obviously a “what is this?” type question. When I tell her it is time to go inside, she will actually start heading inside. (now, she may change her mind about *wanting* to go inside and throw a tantrum, but it is totally different than Zane’s meltdowns because he doesn’t understand) When we tell her what something is she tries to repeat it. She is starting to have names for things. She looks back at us as she is playing to babble something to us with such easy eye contact. She just ‘finds’ us without having to scan the horizon.
One of the striking things for me was a fine motor development. In OT Zane is working on holding something in his hand/palm and trying to use his pincher grasp to pick things up, or move things in one hand from the palm to the finger tips without using the other hand to move the objects (like when you grab a handful of nuts and feed yourself one at a time, or a handful of change and work the pennies out to your fingertips to give to somebody). I accepted that he had motor planning challenges, but I didn’t fully understand or believe it was that severe because he can do so much. A few days ago I saw Zora doing the very thing with her hands that we have been explicitly working on with Zane for a while (and he is struggling with). She did it with such ease that I literally was choking back tears when I saw her doing it. And she did it over and over again, like it was the most normal thing in the world.
It is all so effortless for her it is astonishing. I didn’t know it was supposed to be so effortless. How could I have not known that? I just feel like I have completely failed him on some days. Even good days like today.
Ack. Need to get the laundry changed over and get dressed to go to ST. Zora is asleep, so she will be un-thrilled to be woken up and put in clothes to go out in the rain. Such is life.
Your post is so touching–I have to be careful that I don’t write a novel in this comment. You did (and continue to do) the best you can, with the hand you have been dealt. Please try to forgive yourself, however you can, in whatever way that works. I know where you are coming from–I am the healthy sibling to my brother–and I do understand some of what you are feeling.
(Okay, I just erased the novel.)
Be gentle with yourself. I joke that D broke me in and paved the way for Boo. It’s remarkable how different they are. Certain things come so easily to her, I didn’t know how much work it was, and is, for him. It’s easy to think that D would’ve gotten a better parent had he come second, but I can’t dwell on that. You can’t change it and we all do the best we can. We can “what if” until the cows come home, and it’s so hard not to. You’re a wonderful parent to both Zane and Zora. (((Hugs)))
What is the Maya Angelou quote? “I did then what I knew then, and when I knew better, I did better.” I’m sorry you feel bad about it now, but I believe that you do the very best for your kids.
Oh, Jennifer. I think we have had this discussion before, only it was me voicing how I had made so many mistakes with you kids. You have always been so encouraging and supportive with the same sentiments as *mischievium*’s quote. We do the best with the information we have at the given time. You are so good with your kids. So patient and loving and such a good advocate for whatever they need, you needn’t feel badly. I dare say that all parents feel like we could have/should have done so much better. We did what we did and it was the best we knew to do at the moment.
Re: Your Kohls incident, I dare say there are parents who would have yelled at their child that they should have been following them and that wouldn’t have happened.
You love your children deeply and unconditionally, and your will do better for your children than most parents I know. You are amazing with them.
This gramma is very confident in the welfare of her grandchildren. You are a rare gem! And I love you!!
You know, you might not have noticed the same things earlier even if he was your second. Dom is my middle child. My oldest was very verbal early on – full sentences at 14 months, very social. When Dom came along, all of his differences were just “boy” things to me. I wouldn’t have thought to get him evaluated at 2 years if a friend hadn’t mentioned it to me first. I bet I would’ve waited till a bit past three to even look into his speech.
I do know what you mean though. My youngest is starting to talk so much now. And even though Dom is, too – they seem to be at the same level and I know it probably won’t be long before she’s out-talking him. She repeats us with such ease, whereas it took so much effort to get Dom to repeat anything.
It seems to me like you’re doing a great job. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We all do the best we can do with the situations we are given.