Taking the Scenic Route

Whine post

This is the current stress in our lives:

• Zach hasn’t heard one way or the other about the instructor position.  It is driving him insane.  We REALLY hope he gets it, but need to know if he isn’t.  If he doesn’t get the job, here are some of the problems we are going to face
  • Healthwave/Medicaid is going to run out around March.  That means no insurance for the entire family, despite the fact we are still very low income.
  • The amount of financial aid for the spring semester is $2000 less than it was for fall.  We can’t make it on that.  We are struggling this semester already and we will have one more person in the family for spring and have to do a lot more driving for those early well baby checks, and the gas prices are high.  There is a likely chance he will have to either drop out, or severely reduce the amount of school so that he can work at the same time.
• Since our food stamps were reduced we are having problems making the money stretch.  Halloween night Robert came over after he and Dori discussed it and took us grocery shopping for the basics, on their food stamps.  Without that, we would have been on an all carbs, all the time diet because we were almost out of milk, eggs, and haven’t had meat in the house for a while now.
• Zach’s teeth aren’t getting any better
• Zane needs a dentist appointment and we can’t even afford the co-pay right now
• Our car insurance lapsed on Nov. 1.  It is $250.  Since we couldn’t afford milk, we certainly can’t afford car insurance.  We hope to cover it with Friday’s paycheck, but probably can’t since other bills (electricity, phone/Internet) might also be coming up.
• Our car needs a new belt and it will probably be around $20.  Brian offered to fix it for us so we won’t have to drive out to the farm, so that is good, but it is still $20 that we have to put out.
• Our place is a mess.  We picked up last night so it isn’t as scary as it was, but my back prevents me from really being able to clean like I need to.  It is a lot better than it was, but not completely healed yet.  Sometimes I think it is ok and try to do something and halfway through it catches and I am in a world of hurt.  Everything we do have to eat right now requires us to cook, which requires clean pans, which is hard right now.
• Zach is overwhelmed and having problems concentrating and doing homework. 
• Zane is acting out, probably because of the stress level.  He has actually tried to bite Zach 2 or 3 times in the last few days, and he has destroyed several things by biting them.  Zach’s over reaction to Zane doing this is causing problems between Zach and I.  With my back, I can’t just jump up and deal with it before he gets up, and I don’t like how Zach is reacting.  He seems to be coming from a place of near-rage that is totally inappropriate in my opinion.  It was bad enough when Robert was over one night that Robert was talking to him about not letting our stress destroy our relationship.  I am so grateful right now that we agree not to spank because I know it would be out of control right now if spanking was a normal part of our parenting.
• Zach probably has allergies.  It wouldn’t cost much to go to student health to get some Allegra, but we can’t afford it.  Never really feeling good is not helping his attitude in life at all. 
• Zane is coming off being sick too and is more clingy than normal.  I don’t feel great either so it is hard to be comforting at times.  I have done lots of “deep breathes” and reminding myself that is won’t be long and he won’t want mama to hold him, so I better take the opportunity now.
• His breastfeeding has ramped up again.  This is something I can’t discuss anywhere where family can read it.  They are already freaked that I still nurse him anyway.  I can understand why it has, but I really thought he was going to wean.  I honestly believe in natural length breastfeeding, but can’t help but wonder if I am creating an unhealthy relationship with him. Of course, that is tempered with reading some posts on “when did your child wean” and finding there is a fairly large group of boys who weaned at 4.5.  There are the occasional 5 or 6yo nursing, but that is pretty rare.  At this point, I suspect that he will tandem nurse for a bit, and if I am able to make him feel secure, it will stop within a few months of the baby being here.  I hope I handle it correctly.
• I am tired of the occasional sneeze and cough that have seemed to linger since the last cold.  It could be worse, but it is still annoying.
• I think we are mostly set for baby, however, I can’t see having the extra money to get covers for the new baby right now.  I might actually have to sign up for the “needy mamas’ list at MDC to try and get them that way.  I don’t like doing that.  I feel like there are so many people out there worse off than I am.  I might ask mom & dad if it gets close and there is no way.  If he gets the job, I can just borrow the money without worrying about it too much.
• Choosing the birth date of the baby is really bothering me.  My long held belief that parenting isn’t supposed to be done by what is convenient is butting heads with reality right now.  Due date is the 16th.  I was told that the easiest dates for them are the 6th & 11th, but they are totally willing to do it on other days, so no pressure to do it on those dates.  The 6th has appeal for me on several levels.  First, it is my Grandpa Schrag’s birthday.  He would have been so excited to share a birthday with a great-grand child and it would be easy for the family to remember.  It also gives Zach around 10 days to be home and help out with taking care of us without having to go to school or anything.  Plus, the waiting between Christmas and the birth would be really rough since we are going to be about as broke as possible since his paychecks will stop and won’t have started again yet.  A baby would be a distraction from that at least.  However, I hate the trend of taking babies early.  I worry that it won’t be quite done “cooking” and fear that my milk won’t come in like it is supposed to and we might have more latch issues.